The Real: Sarah Hoyt

Posted: 29th August 2011 by onyxhawke in Uncategorized
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Where are you from?

The temptation is to say I come from somewhere else, altogether.  Of course, I do, in theory.  I was born and raised in Porto, Portugal, didn’t come to the states till I was 22.  And Portugal is very… somewhere else.  BUT when I was in Portugal I felt so out of place that I bought Stranger In A Strange Land on the title alone.  SO… It’s not the world.  It’s me.  Or maybe it’s the world.  Someday my tentacles will grow in, my antennae will sprout, the mothership will land and I’ll be like “I’m not getting into something named mothership, no way no how.  What do you mean I belong to you?  No way.  You’re weird.  My antennae are cuter.”

Yeah, I’m sad, like that.

Where in all of the multiverse would you curse the worst of humanity?

The fourteenth century

Where do you hide the stories you don’t want others to see?

In my head.

Where do you do your best thinking?

By the sea.  Of course, I live in Colorado.

Where in the multiverse do you wish you could retire or at least vacation to?


Where are you going?

All the way.

Who :

Who was the first objective person to tell you your writing/art was good?

Uh.  Does my husband count?  No?  Uh…  Dave Freer.  Well, actually what he said was that I couldn’t foreshadow to save my life, but he has since said he liked the rest.

Oh, wait, the editor of Interzone said he liked my stuff before that, but I didn’t understand what he was saying, so I’m not sure it counts.

Which fictional character do you think you’d like to have lunch with?

Sylvester from Georgette Heyer’s Sylvester.  Got a crush on him.  Got a crush on Athos, too, but he wouldn’t like having dinner with a woman.

Who would you love to get a cover quote from?

Living or dead?  And for what book?  Living?  Terry Pratchett.  (And Dave Freer, but I do get those.)  Dead? Heinlein.

Who gave you the weirdest compliment ever?

Scott Edelman.  After five years of sending me standard rejections, he comes out of nowhere in the first World Fantasy I attended, hugs me, and says “I love your stories.”  Uh….

Of all the historical world leaders who do you wish you could put in charge today?

Is this Good Sarah or BAD BAD BAD Sarah?  Good Sarah wants Thomas Jefferson who is almost as wild eyed a radical as herself.  BAD Sarah would take control herself.  And you don’t want that.  NO ONE wants that.  No, trust me, there are entire planets worth of people who don’t want that.  I’d rule the same way I raised kids “Why are you annoying me?  Can’t you see I’m writing?”  I’m not sure what the equivalent of a flung dictionary would be though.  …  A plane load of dictionaries blankets Afghanistan…  Of course, I’m only a leader in my own mind, so that’s cheating.

Of all the characters you’ve written or edited which one gave you the biggest fits?

Oh.  That would be Telbar of Denre.  No matter what I did to him, all he did was SIT there.  I don’t know if I broke him or if was born broken.

Published or unpublished?

Unpublished.  PUBLISHED would be Kit Klaavil (later Sinistra) in Darkship Thieves.  He’s the strong, silent type. I never knew if he had it in him to explode.  Turns out… yeah.

Made Up:

Of all the made up religions you’ve run across which makes the most sense?

Heinlein’s church of G_d as the author.  At an inner level, that just makes perfect sense.

Which made up element is the silliest?

Glodium.  Oh, you mean element in a novel?  In general?  History.  I’ve spent my entire life reading the stuff and, it could be argued in Portugal, living the stuff.  And I still have to invoke much handwavium when creating an history.  But people as innocent of history as I am of singing talent will stride in where I fear to tread and make up the most bizarrely implausible histories.  Drives me bonkers.

What yet to be realized invention do you want the most?

Clifford Simak’s flying houses.  They liftoff and go, and your life goes on as usual.  Think about it: I could write till the last moment when I have to go to a con.  (I TOLD you I was sad.)

Which One:

Spiderman or Wolverine

Well… I’ve READ Spiderman and watched the first movie.

Dumbledore or Professor X

I’ve read Dumbledore.

Lucille Ball or Roseanne


Rudyard Kipling or Stephen King

Kipling all over.

Superman or Batman

I don’t know.  Can we drown them both in a vat of oil?

The Telltale Heart or The Pit and the Pendulum

Look, is that vat of oil available?

Reading Shakespeare, Wrong or Very Wrong

Wait, what?  Reading Shakespeare is just part of becoming human, like learning to walk on two legs.


Is your favorite time of year?

Fall.  I like it for aesthetic reasons.

Do you see a movie?

When I run out of excuses to give my husband.

What time of day is your favorite?

Six am.  This might have something to do with my kids sleeping late.

Did you realize writing was for you?

When I was six.  By then, I was aware I was too lazy for real work, too cowardly for crime and too stupid for politics.

Do you feel best about your work?

When I’ve had the idea and before I start writing.


Goes on your pizza?

Sigh.  Anchovies

On your ice cream?

Chocolate and nuts.  Or dancing boys.  Whichever is available at the time.

On your feet on your day off?

Nothing.  Unless it’s THAT kind of day off, in which case stilettos.

Complete the sentence:

The worst advice I ever got:

Get a real degree.  You can always teach.

I can’t get enough of:


My working space is:

an island entirely surrounded by cats

Never call me before:


Cthulhu always told me:

never let a girl suck your tentacles on your first date.


The most annoying job I’ve ever had:

retail clerk.  It combined work and boredom in unique proportions.  Oh, no, wait, clothes ironer in Germany. Yeah, I was cheaper than the ironing machine, there was this tiny room, and an iron, and clothes and… Oh, you said annoying, not horrible.


For fun:


When I’m done working I unwind by:

writing fan fiction


When I take a break during the workday I:


The one thing you probably don’t know I’m good at is:


Favorite game or sport to watch: Jumping to conclusions.  Several writers groups are champions.


Favorite game or sport to play: running in place.  Oh, wait, that’s just my career.


I would never do X for fun: ski.


Your Work:

The piece I’ve had the most trouble with:

(Sobs) the second Shakespeare book.  Agent made me rewrite it according to his formula…  Don’t even ask.

The piece I’ve had the most fun with:

Hard to pick.  Darkship Thieves;  Draw One In The Dark; Death Of  A Musketeer.

The one I’d most love to see made into a movie or tv series:

The Musketeer Mysteries as a TV series.  Darkship Thieves as a movie.

The next project to come out is (indulge yourself with this one):

Well… I have no idea.  By rights it should be A Fatal Stain, the third Daring Finds Mystery under Elise Hyatt.  But it could be Darkship Renegades.  And publishing houses and scheduling being what it is, it might be something I do indie through Naked Reader Press.  I think it might be A Flaw In Her Magic, the second of my re-imagined Jane Austen’s set in a fantasy world and broadly corresponding to Mansfield Park.  (Yes, it’s a classy way of saying Austen fanfic.)  Then there’s a duology of novellas with Kate Paulk, to be called Sisters In Blood.  That should be out by year’s end.  Then there’s Noah’s Boy, the third book in the Shifter’s series which should be also out soon.  And I’m writing this thing called A Few Good Men set in my space opera.  Then there’s Witchfinder in my multimagical universe.  (See why I’m always out of time?)


You can find Sarah: