MrMeval turns in proof that there is no need for the agent to actually open the book with a grammatic demolition derby:
“As he thrust his quavering blade into the unyeilding flesh he felt a burning power and smote the foul beast. In it’s death throws the fare maiden fell and he catches her quickly. He takes his newly freed bride to his starship their to roam the heavens looking for fame and fortune.”
The fab SarahaHoyt scores a one line TKO with the amazing presumptuousness of her first line:
Dear Mr. Hawke,
I am delighted to announce that I have picked your agency to represent my definitive opus on the human condition.
Right behind her is another delightful lady:
Herewith find my novel MICHELANGELO D.N.A., which is a sequel to Dan Brown’s DA VINCI CODE. My writer’s group all voted me the best writer of the year, based on this novel. Everyone at work has read this novel, and says it’s far superior to DA VINCI CODE. My parents are hard critics of novels, but they both were fascinated and couldn’t put it down.
Which is about the neatest way of proclaiming you know nothing about the industry, and are having been set up will probably be the type of whiner who goes crying to the world when their work is rejected.
Not to be out done Robert Hoyt chimes in displaying a charming flair for lack of contact with reality.
I would like you to know that I must insist my story be provided to the public freely, since the enlightenment I have reached should not be subject to mortal prices; but I think that I can count on you to think about the good that this book can do and work just as hard, even without money as an incentive. When you respond, I’ll gladly mail you the six cardboard boxes containing my novel. Do not worry about the fifty blank pages at the end, I invested them with my K’oldorta so that they would guide the reader to the ending in his(or her, although that’s rare) mind.
Tomorrow, or the next day… well soon, The Winner!