More Contenders

Posted: 20th July 2008 by onyxhawke in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

MrMeval turns in proof that there is no need for the agent to actually open the book with a grammatic demolition derby:
“As he thrust his quavering blade into the unyeilding flesh he felt a burning power and smote the foul beast. In it’s death throws the fare maiden fell and he catches her quickly. He takes his newly freed bride to his starship their to roam the heavens looking for fame and fortune.”

The fab SarahaHoyt scores a one line TKO with the amazing presumptuousness of her first line:

Dear Mr. Hawke,

I am delighted to announce that I have picked your agency to represent my definitive opus on the human condition.

Right behind her is another delightful lady:
Sartorias:

Dear Agent:

Herewith find my novel MICHELANGELO D.N.A., which is a sequel to Dan Brown’s DA VINCI CODE. My writer’s group all voted me the best writer of the year, based on this novel. Everyone at work has read this novel, and says it’s far superior to DA VINCI CODE. My parents are hard critics of novels, but they both were fascinated and couldn’t put it down.

Which is about the neatest way of proclaiming you know nothing about the industry, and are having been set up will probably be the type of whiner who goes crying to the world when their work is rejected.

Not to be out done Robert Hoyt chimes in displaying a charming flair for lack of contact with reality.

I would like you to know that I must insist my story be provided to the public freely, since the enlightenment I have reached should not be subject to mortal prices; but I think that I can count on you to think about the good that this book can do and work just as hard, even without money as an incentive. When you respond, I’ll gladly mail you the six cardboard boxes containing my novel. Do not worry about the fifty blank pages at the end, I invested them with my K’oldorta so that they would guide the reader to the ending in his(or her, although that’s rare) mind.

Tomorrow, or the next day… well soon, The Winner!

  • Those are just beyong disturbing.

  • Yeah, those wimminfolk never can appreciate a good K'oldorta.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah the writer of this — though not the "character" who wrote it — is my son and he had his/her and then he thought that the person who would write that absurd letter PROBABLY would also be a mysogenist. 😀 In addition to incoherent, not grounded in reality and, apparently, promising marriage to whomever represents him (we think.)
      Sarah

      • Argh
        Must remember to loggin BEFORE I comment

        • Re: Argh
          Hehe.
          In any case, I found the letter hilarious. It reminds me of certain people I've known IRL – which, of course, makes it that much funnier.

  • Anonymous

    Eric Hoyt
    Your lack of an update today (the 21st) disturbs me… hopefully there will be on on the 22nd, hopefully…

    • Anonymous

      Re: Eric Hoyt
      Dang it, I mean "be ONE on the" curse you wireless keyboard! Actually, it's very good, it just miss a key every once in while, first time on months actually.

    • Re: Eric Hoyt
      Heh, i don't get to update daily, sometimes its barely weekly. Content takes time.

      • Anonymous

        Re: Eric Hoyt
        I suppose, best of luck then!

  • These are scary. Yet funny.