There are times when I become convinced that people who send me their work think they are trying to cook spaghetti and not get a book published. These people have me half convinced my submission guidelines are all written using Polish words, Bantu grammar, and that they still only appear on my website about as often as one can find Brigadoon, and even then only in .10th font. The occasional paranormal romance wouldn’t and doesn’t bother me, those are marketed so similarly to urban fantasy its often a judgment call as to which label to Spackle on it.
What irks me, gets my dander up and turns be into a powderkeg faster than you can play Brass Monkey, is people who just throw stuff at me to see if it will stick. Honestly, I’m as prepared to parse good late imperial Japanese death haiku as I am Edwardian romances and sending either of them to me just gets me cheesed off. Also, sending me railroad tales of bygone days will rile me up faster than Ricky Ricardo when Lucy has some’splainin’ to do. Just so we’re clear my hackles will rise, and I’ll likely get carried away with myself the next time I see something from someone asking me to represent their kids Biblical study guide.
Look, I know People Are Strange and that the stress of failing to get their book published quickly is something that will put a burr under any ones saddle But please don’t pass it like a hot potato as if it were gonna stand on a turnbuckle rip off its trademark catch line and dump a brewskie down its throat. But good times are just around the corner, and I’m sure that not only will I be able to go dozens of submissions without getting something by a writer in a league of their own but that many of my readers will be published.