Yes, life has left me busy enough to nearly forget the contest.

I will announce the winner in this post. I promise. But first:

My panel schedule for WorldCon;

1pm Wednesday
17: Schmoozing 101

CCC – Korbel 1D

The art of small talk – it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Pick up some tips on how to introduce yourself, make small talk, and connect with others in both your professional and personal lives.

Ginjer Buchanan, John Scalzi, (m) Mary Robinette Kowal, Michael Kabongo

Thursday

1130 am?

106: The Agent Behind the Curtain: Making Famous Authors

CCC – Room 506

Writers create the stories, but agents bring them to fruition with a publisher. Our panel of agents discuss what they look for, how they get things published, and tell stories of both success and failure.

Eleanor Wood, (m) Joshua Bilmes, Kristin Nelson, Lucienne Diver, Michael Kabongo

I’m also scheduled for a signing, which is interesting feel free to come pitch your book.

153: Signing (45 minutes) 1pm

CCC – Hall D

Alexis Glynn Latner, Michael Kabongo

Friday

10am (eep)
454: Music in the World To Come

CCC – Korbel 1B

Music has been part of human civilization since the earliest times. But for most of history, people have had to create it themselves. What will the advent of passive musical devices such as radio, records, CDs, MP3, and goodness knows what else do to the appreciation and composition of music in the future?

Adam Stemple, Henry Stratmann, (m) Jeff Fennel, Louise Marley, Michael Kabongo

5:30pm
586: The Appeal of Urban Fantasy

CCC – Korbel 4AB

The modern world seems so mundane until you add fairy queens and werewolves.

(m) Ann Aguirre, Anton Strout, David Boop, Michael Kabongo

Standard plea to Congoers;

If you see me wandering around at a time I’m supposed to be at a panel please point me in the right direction. I’m very good at losing track of time at cons.

Volunteers!

I need three for horrible duties via LJ during Worldcon.
Please comment, and I’ll ask you what I want via either the LJ message service or one of the IM platforms.

Contest!
And the winner is….

Well first i really need to thank everyone who participated because these were just hilarious to read. The LOLCATZ one was fun, the sheer inanity of quite a few, and the good fun of them all. The winner is going to the one that combined uselessness of actual text, psychopathy, criminality, and pure iron plated resistance to good sense the best, all without showing an overall deficit of writing skill. The author of the gem below should contact me via email soon so I can get their prize shipped. My comments are between the “[” and “]”.


To that of a less important human being, [Sometimes this is implied, it’s nice to see it stated.]

I’ve come across the fact I have a large novel stored in the back of my car, as it has been for the past four years, and thought that you might want to praise it for its high level of writing. [This demonstrates how important getting published is.] Since I’m aware you have several other novels to go through before you reach mine, and since I know you’re dieing to get through those novels by such mediocre authors as that of Terry Pratchett and Dave Freer [Insulting industry giants and clients of the agent is a great ice breaker.] just so you can read my marvelous story, I snuck into your office last night and shredded all other novels but mine. And so you didn’t have to read those silly novels on your computer, I burned your motherboard for you! [Criminal behavior for the advancement of a book is very important and I’m glad someone would make the effort.] So now that you have time to read (Or worship) my story I’m sure you’ll be glad to see this letter on your desk telling you about my story, and why half of your desk is dust!

The main plot focus is on the life of the main character best friend, Dummy. And it tells of the story of the evil sister’s younger brother, Dummy, who happens to have split a personality. And half way through my marvelous novel it is revealed that Dummy, the hero’s friend, and Dummy, the evil sister’s younger brother, are in fact the same person! Then, due to the fact that Dummy is in no way related to his friend, the hero, yet he is the brother of the hero’s evil sister, who is his sister, they are sucked into time paradox black hole at the end of my amazing story! The Sequel is all about how they spend the rest of eternity in a completely vacant space. And I’m sure you’ll love to see the third novel, detailing how they stand around inside the black hole even more. [I particularly like the ability to summarize the book without mentioning the main characters name, or why they and not Dummy are the main character. The sequel is the type of action packed thrill ride agents salivate over too.]

You’ll be pleased to know that this novel will make a large amount of money. As, of course, will it’s sequel. So I only feel it is necessary to give you a 1.5% cut of the money that I earn, since I expect to be richer then Bill Gates by the end of the month, [All authors are richer than “Poor Bill”, anything else is just a front.] and you probably gladly donate [Someone will need to explain the word “donate” to me, the definitions I saw make no sense.] your cut in order to work with a man like me anyway. I will, of course, continue stopping other authors from annoying you with their boring drek.

Sincerely,
Someone far more important then you
AKA, your new God [The modesty of this one is very nearly unbecoming.]

Congrat’s to Eric Hoyt for this masterwork.

I think I’ll have to do this contest again sometime not so soon.


  • Way to go Eric!

    • I know my excuse for not being asleep, what's yours?

      • Living in France where it's mid morning going on lunchtime…

  • Congrats to Eric. That was awesome.

  • Anonymous

    Have a great time in Denver!
    Enjoy the con! Wish I was there.
    Calie

  • Sarah's son does have a way with word don't he? 😀

  • That was incredibly subtle of him.
    I like.

  • Anonymous

    Winner
    What do you know? I won! That was a fun contest, first I've ever entered for that matter… Hope to see you at world con Mike! Can't wait to see you and other people I've seen only once in my life.
    Eric Hoyt

    • Re: Winner
      My sons. A thrill a minute.
      I come back from RWA — will blog it tomorrow. Three hundred women dancing to It's Raining Men and THAT was just Friday night — and find Robert is halfway through writing Fruit! the musical.
      Does anyone want two teens? Cheap!
      See you at worldcon, Mike.
      Sarah

  • Anonymous

    Re: Winner
    Oops, posted twice, and did'nt edit the first one! dang!

  • Winner
    What do know? I won! That was a fun contest, first I've ever done for that matter… Hope to see you at world con Mike! We live only a few miles away (And vaction there alot)… Can't wait to see you and other people I've seen only once in my life.
    cover letter